You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
