Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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