On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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