Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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