The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His nipple licking is glorious
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