the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
