The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
