Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
