let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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