omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
