i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
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