Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
