how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
