i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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