Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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