I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
