He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
