Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
