this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
