I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
