I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
