some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
