he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
