just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Holy shit dude........stairs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
