By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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