I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
