I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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