I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
