oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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