He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
