My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
