she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize