I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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