The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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