hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
