I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
