Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
