marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
