that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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