so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
NoShamevember. You game?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
