I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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