Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and she was petting her beer can
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
