mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
