Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize