So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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