I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
