Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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