When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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