the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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