Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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