when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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