I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
