her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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