omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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