well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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