We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
