he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
