I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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