I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I AM VODKA MAN
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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