remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize