you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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