you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
