1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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