the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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