A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
