He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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