Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize