I can text with my tongue
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to cum in my sink.
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