Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
