It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
