pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize