I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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