just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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