if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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