Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
